Just like you, I want the best for my children.
I want them to live a happy, joyful life.
I want them to find their passions so they can live a life of purpose.
I want them to take care of their bodies so they can live a healthy life.
I want them to be the best people they can be so they will be loved by others.
See a common thread here? I WANT so many things for my children.
Of course I do, why wouldn’t I? I created these little people and I love them so dearly, of course I want the best for them.
what is love? what is ‘the best’?
One of the wisest, most soulful man I’ve ever met shared with me his definition of love (and I’m paraphrasing here because he shared this with me on several occasions). He said…
Real love means giving people permission to be who they are,
to not want anything from them and to respect their free will.
~ Jesh de Rox
I pondered this definition for quite some time and I came to the conclusion that he is absolutely right.
Speaking from my own upbringing, my parents wanted many things for me – to follow a certain religious believe, to accomplish certain academic achievements….yes, they wanted those things for me with the best intentions. For me, since I was forced into those believe and actions, it made me rebel and somehow felt I wasn’t loved because I wasn’t living up to their standards. Of course that is my own perception but that is the case never-the-less.
what I’ve learned
From this experience, I do have to agree that wanting things for my children only puts pressure on them to perform and live up to my standards. This might not be healthiest thing since they will always try to be the person I want them to be instead of being the person they are meant to be.
As my children grow and discover themselves, I’m sure they will do many things that challenge my ideals. I have to let go of my own expectations and trust that I have raised them with healthy values and fundamentals that they’ll make their best decisions. I have to give them space to grow.
the mother I strive to be
That is the mother I strive to be and this is my promise. I have to live by example and be the change I want to see in my children (and I credit Ghandi). I will show them healthy values by my actions and I will live by my manifesto so my children will follow.
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